0 Blessed are those whose attitudes are shaped by their hopes, not their hurts

Many days I try to put myself in Julie’s shoes and wonder what I would do if I had been diagnosed with IBC. I often say “I wish it were me and not her” and I truly mean that, as no parent wants their child to suffer; but what would I really have done? After seeing what she has endured these past eleven months and how strong she as been; there are days that I think I may have curled up in a fetal position, cried like a baby and just tried to hide from this monster.

God only gives us what we can handle…and apparently He didn’t think I could handle such a devastating diagnosis. But He knew Julie could. And I know He was there and carried her during some of those times when the stress and the pressure of battling cancer took its toll. But she fought back and she is winning the battle...she is so amazing and the true meaning of a survivor!!

She is back to exercising – she is back to work - her life is full and busy – so busy sometimes it exhausts me just hearing about all that she does in a day. When we talk, she says “I don’t know why I am so tired” and I have to remind her of all she accomplished that particular day. After all she still has weekly blood tests and doctor visits; the poison of three chemos are still affecting her body; the fact is she is still recovering and will be for sometime to come. Her energetic spirit and her positive attitude sometimes makes me feel guilty for being so lazy and not doing more with my days.

I guess my kids were raised to be survivors….as a very young single mother and much too young to be wise enough to raise children; I was tossed into motherhood. It was not by choice but by pure stupidity. But you do what you have to do. Like my mother used to tell me “you made your bed – now you lay in it”. I had to be both the mom and dad; the bread winner of the family, the disciplinarian and the nurturer. Not to mention the housekeeper, cook plumber, accountant, organizer and all the other roles that modern mothers play. Most of the time it was not easy and I was exhausted all of the time…in fact there were many times (especially during those teenage years) that I was the one who wanted to run away from home. I didn’t, but I sure remember wanting to.

I loved my babies deeply though and I wanted them to grow up to be honest, generous, self-disciplined, hard-working and just generally good people. Dr. Spock was the child-rearing expert back in the day. I read his books but most of the time life and work got in the way and I didn’t follow the rules; I didn’t do most things right; I didn’t read to them as the TV was much more entertaining and a great babysitter; I didn’t always cook nutritious meals as they loved McDonald’s; they didn’t always have clean clothes to wear to school as sometimes there was just no money for soap; and sometimes they went to bed without hugs and kisses because I was either working or had fallen asleep long before their bedtime. But they grew up in spite of my mistakes and misgivings. The grew up to be responsible adults and have gone out into the world and made their own way as good, intelligent, hard-working, very loving and lovely people.

Julie is living proof of that….a true survivor who will make a difference in this world. As my fantastic husband says “you can’t hold her down so don’t try”. She is strong and stubborn and one amazing woman. So this post is a “thank you” to God for being my 'footprints in the sand' and helping me raise one incredible woman. And for being there again when we needed Him to carry my Julie when she needed it.

So here’s to good women...may we know them, may we be them, may we raise them.

Blessings, Jan