0 Life is not measured by the breaths we take ~

~ but by the moments that take our breath away.

After going through all the cancer treatments for IBC; eight months of chemotherapy; a double mastectomy; two months of radiation plus all the side effects and all the body changes; you learn a lot about life and realize it is way too ‘freakin’ short!!

Everyday live your life to the fullest; do whatever it is that’s going to make you happy and don’t worry about the other guy; it’s not your problem or business. Try to be as happy as you can and keep stress out of your life as much as possible (take lots of deep breaths). In the beginning…on April 11th, 2008 when I was diagnosed with IBC, I thought, “Oh my God how the hell did I get such a rare cancer”. And how the hell were we going to do this long distance treatment, money, jobs, house, animals, etc. And now that I’ve been done with treatment (for a whole month now) it all seems so long ago. Beside the side effects that I still have, life is getting back to my ‘new’ normal.

I know I have changed because of cancer, but definitely for the better. I really feel like a much happier person. I have calmed down and I’m not as impatient. Life is just too short to be wasting my time with things that just aren’t important. I still like to stay busy and my organizational skills and desire for cleanliness are the same. But I have learned that it’s not important to have everything around me perfect. I’m not perfect and nothing is. So trying to make things around me perfect is just going to drive me to an early grave and drive people around me crazy…especially my husband Ken.

There also have been some good things from the chemo; my skin is much healthier, my COPD seems to have disappeared; no more visits from “Aunt Flow” and I have lost weight that was very much needed. I’m still fighting the leg pain and the fatigue is still there but everyday it gets better. And the biggest thing is that it has made Ken and I grow so much closer. I love him so much more and respect him so much more. He was a great husband during this ordeal. I’m so grateful that it brought us closer together and not further apart.

I started the Tamoxafin about two weeks ago; it’s the five year post-cancer drug. This drug is removing all the estrogen from my body which is putting me through menopause. The chemo also put me in menopause but these pills will assure that I don’t get anymore visits from “Aunt Flow”. The reason for taking Tamoxafin is to help my chances of cancer not coming back. Due to the cancer being in my lymph nodes, this drug is a must. I’ve started my first dose of Zometa (bone building drug). This drug is supposed to give me a 35% better chance of cancer not going to my bones. Breast cancer patients have a higher chance of cancer coming back in the bones, so this drug is the ticket. I guess the major side effects of Zometa are flu like systems. I was feeling tired and woozy this morning but feeling much better this afternoon. I’m sure if I have side effects they will be a piece of cake after having eight months of chemo, anything is a piece of cake. Even going to the dentist now isn’t so bad. I use to hang onto the chair like crazy, give myself a headache or try to think of every reason in the book to cancel my appointment. But now, it’s a piece of cake. And I actually tell myself “you’ve been through cancer treatment, you can do anything”. So calm down and take a deep breath, it’s just the dentist.

For the past two weeks I haven’t been sleeping well at all. I’m getting about 2 – 3 hrs of straight sleep a night and waking up several times a night. I’m taking sleeping pills (which I was off of for about a month) anxiety pill and gavapatan and still not sleeping through the night. I finally broke last night as I just lost it from not getting enough rest. I started back at the gym and did my first yoga class yesterday, so you would think that would help, but no. I have been told by both my doctors to slow down and rest. Usually I need to stay busy or I get way to bored and that makes me an unhappy person – when Julie’s not happy – nobody’s happy. And I really don’t feel like I’m doing too much but everyone around me seems to think that I am. So I’m going to do my best to just slow down and get as much rest as possible. I really am so happy that I’m feeling good…that I’m back at work and enjoy it (I didn’t before cancer)…that we are at home with our animals and that we spending time with our friends and just doing the normal stuff. We needed some toys in this town because there just isn’t enough to do so we treated ourselves to two new PWC’s to play with – yeah! My mom says she gets tired just listening to all I’m doing. I have to keep telling myself that I’m still healing and taking lots of drugs so slow the hell down and breath.

This is a phrase I found in a magazine that I really like:

“It is not enough to fight for the land; it is even more important to enjoy it. While you can. While it’s still here. So get out there and hunt and fish and mess around with your friends, ramble out yonder and explore the forests…climb the mountains, bag the peaks, run the rivers, breathe deep of that yet sweet and lucid air, sit quietly for a while and contemplate the precious stillness, the lovely, mysterious, and awesome space.”

So everyone live your best life and take deep, deep breaths, it could always be worse. Someone has it worse than you do, remember that, it’s a good thing to live by.

Take care, Julie